pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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