I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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