We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
