I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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