dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
