I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
