ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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