I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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