Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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