He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
