Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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