come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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