D3 body, D1 cock
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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