just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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