NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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