dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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