dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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