Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
