Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
