He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm too high and old for this...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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