You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
