Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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