opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
