u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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