very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
