Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
