girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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