I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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