I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
