if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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