Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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