Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
