it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
