If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
