i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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