Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
