how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
