They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
