she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
