so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're making bets on your personal life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
