i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
