I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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