This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
