Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
