He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
