Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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