Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
