I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
