i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
