Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MIDGETS
????
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
