Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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