Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
