I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
