i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
