he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
