I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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