the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
