Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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