My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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