jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
