The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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