I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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