so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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