I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
