Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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