maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
