Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
