I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
