it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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