i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then he tried to convert me to islam
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
