I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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