Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
