Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
