omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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