We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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