Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
