Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They are going to name an STD after you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
