Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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