I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i came on her dog
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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