he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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