Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
