Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
