I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
honey bunches of taint.
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
did i just pee glitter