A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.