look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.