$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
