Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.