Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry