Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"