my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.